As I write this, it occurs to me that if I'm going to start any confession, the first will have to be sharing where my life is right now. And that is Limbo. My husband lost his job a month ago today. We were so lucky to have a little bit of savings that I'd finally started building only a few months ago as well as supportive family so we've been making it, though as time passes it could understandably get harder. We're currently staying with my family in Florida because it's financially smarter (read: less stressful/scary) than to head back to Cleveland and hope for the best. This is absolutely the first time I've ever truly been worried about our life and where it's going to go, because there is no telling what is going to happen, where it will take us, or how long it will take to get there.
That being said, I've not for one second lost faith that it will all be okay. I know in the depths of my soul that this is happening for a reason (several of which I've already seen) and that wherever we go next will be the place we're meant to be. It's almost been creepily serene in my head. I know my husband will continue to be the amazing provider he has always been for our family, our children will not want for anything and they will continue to grow up in a loving household surrounded by people who adore them. It's never a part of anyone's life plan to have this happen - certainly not for those of us with kids - but this is where we find ourselves. I know that solutions will come and that we will survive.
This past Sunday morning, as I sat in the midst of the church I grew up in, the pastor mentioned a verse that struck a new cord with me. He recited the first part of Psalm 118:24, which says, "This is the day that the Lord has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it." As he said it, I heard in the words a new context I'd never realized before. No matter the day's events - no matter how terrible, horrible, no good, very bad - it has still been a day created by God. It's still a day with meaning. With a lesson for me and you to learn, even within the profound darkness in which we sometimes find ourselves - there's still something good. Somewhere. I've been sick and miserable for 36 hours, but laughingly told my mother and father tonight that the silver lining was that I'd lost 4 pounds. My husband isn't working - and in some ways that uncertainty could be terrifying - but I choose to look at the fact that we've enjoyed our Christmas holiday together as a family without the stress from his former job which had been reaching insurmountable levels in recent months. I choose to look at the fact that our options are endless right now as to where we might go next, and that in any given place - even the ones we might not particularly love - there are people there who love living there and would welcome us into their lives. I choose to look at the fact that I am so so lucky to have a family that is able to support and help us in this time when thousands of others go without that every day. This is our life for now, and one day it will only be a small part of our story. It has taught us some incredibly valuable lessons, and has brought the importance of charity and faith to the forefront of my mind.
I hope that each of you has a wonderful day and that you take the time to look for the good in your day, no matter how small it might be.
Disclaimer: I know that not everyone is religious and my recent mentions of Biblical concepts and verses is not an attempt to annoy any of you, it's simply me writing about what is on my mind. I don't intend to make this a specifically religious blog, however, as I am a Christian there will be times when I mention such things. I hope not to offend anyone, I am merely sharing a little something that I believe could strike a cord with anyone - regardless of affiliation or faith. The Fruit of the Spirit project I'm working on this year will undoubtedly include some religious posts or mentions, however, I chose to do it because the nine fruits of the spirit are things which we could all use more of in our lives and in many ways reflect the very core of what I want Law of Bambi to be about.
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