Originally posted to my personal blog: Rockets, Swords, & Shields on May 13, 2012.
First, let’s start with the obvious – happy Mother’s Day! : )
I am privileged to know and share my life with some incredibly inspiring
mothers, and for that I am grateful every day. I’ve written about some of them
in the past but believe me that there are many more. My sister, Kristi, who is
a wonderful mother to one of the cutest little girls I could ever ask to have
as a niece; my good friend, Amanda, who is an amazing dedicated mom to two kids
that are fantastically bright; a girlfriend named Catherine, who embraces
attachment parenting in a most beautiful way with her daughter and has been a
wonderful personal channel for me to widen my own views of understanding (for
which I will always be thankful); and definitely surprising to her – my beautiful
friend, Whitney, who is also the Godmother of my son – though she is not a
mother to her own children yet, she is a wonderful woman and member of my son’s world, one that
I completely believe will be like the second mother to Owen that every kid
needs. I’ve been blessed to have my own second mother and could never thank God
enough for her presence in my life for the last 13 years. All of these women –
along with those who are not mothers but none the less open their hearts to my
son in a way that I believe only a Mom can, makes them mothers in my eyes.
Shaina and my sister Brittany – who hold and love Owen with the same adoration
that I feel in my own heart, who will be some of the best Aunts in the world.
All of these women impress upon me the beauties of motherhood while at the same
time showing how little it matters which strategy of parenting you might go
with. What matters is your love for the kid in your life…regardless of if they
are yours or not.
Which brings me to the next thing I wanted to write about…the
oh-so-well-known TIME cover for this week.
Corey and I subscribe to TIME so we were able to read the
article as always. My issue, in all honesty, is not with the article or its
subject matter, while I don’t still breastfeed Owen – I don’t have any issues
with it at all, it simply didn’t work out that way for us. Owen still
occasionally sleeps in bed with Corey and I, as he has since we brought him
home as a newborn. I don’t always let him cry for long periods of time, but I
also rarely will immediately run to comfort him as soon as he starts to shed a
tear – specifically when it relates to bedtime. When he falls and hurts
himself, my initial reaction is to smile at him and laugh to let him know he’s
okay. I have not childproofed my house, and don’t plan to (mind you there aren’t
any exposed outlets for him to get to as it is) because I plan on him learning
why he shouldn’t play with certain things rather than hiding them from him. I
keep my books within his dangerous reach so that he will learn to love them
with his whole heart as I do and to associate them with his perception of home.
When he picks up a book, I sit with him and help him turn the pages, look at
the words and read random passages so he sees that books are fun and don’t have
to be filled solely with pictures as his bedtime books are. I let him feel the
paper and understand the delicacy of the pages to that he knows they are
special. I do not follow a specific set of rules – and I don’t ever plan to in
the future. I parent the way that fits our family and the way that feels right.
I hug my son and kiss him as I will for the rest of his life. I let him know
that while I won’t race to make things better for him, I will always be there
with a kiss and a band-aid when necessary.
The point I’m trying to make – and thing about this cover
which irks me (it took me all week to really be able put my finger on it) – is the
headline. ‘Are You Mom Enough?’ What does that mean? I read
a comment this morning on a blog that put my response succinctly and perfectly:
“If you
are a mom, you are plenty mom enough.” I told a friend of mine earlier this
week that I don’t like the term ‘enough’ because it continues this stupid
implication that there is, in fact, a right way to parent. Or that some choices
are better than others. That is what makes this weird passive aggressive war
continue like it has for decades. How I’ve had everyone from relatives to
friends to other moms at daycare to complete and total strangers offer advice
to me about how I need to change what I choose to do with Owen because it’s
wrong and their way is right. Rather than parents being a universal community
where we share our ideas and views in a helpful way like sharing secret cooking
tips, we hold it over each other like someone is a failure at parenting when
they don’t ascribe to our parenting vision. We act self-righteous and treat others
as though their naïve ideas are so sadly inept they just ‘must not know any
better’. Like the blog I mentioned before – if you’re a Mom, you ARE Mom
enough. End of discussion. A girlfriend of mine posted just this morning a
picture of her two stepsons with a caption explaining a small window into her
relationship with them – a small quote of it was so perfect, I’m going to share
it to further show my point.
