My own personal Batman.

 Owen with his Aunt Brittany at his 3rd birthday party on Saturday

 So - many of you know how awesome my kids are. There's no debate about it really - they're just freaking adorable. Owen (the oldest) turns three today and so I thought I would return to an idea I had when he was first born to write something to him but had since bailed on because I'm just lazy and forgetful. For about a year now I've (very) slowly been working on a journal to him and Mac starting with 30 different questions to answer so they know me better, so I'm trying to get through those and write more consistently to them but we'll see how long that actually takes me.

Owen on his 2nd birthday last year.

Back to the matter at hand. Owen is three today. At this time on the day he was born I'd been in labor for about 6 hours and had another 7.5 hours to go before we'd have to have an emergency c-section. I would love to say I was really excited about meeting my baby and that's all I could think about, but really - I was most excited about not being pregnant anymore. Meeting Owen was to be a close second. My pregnancy was not great with him. That's the nicest way I could put that. But through his birth process I got to experience a little bit of everything, just like I did with my pregnancy, and much the same way it's been ever since he was born. I had my epidural wear off twice, the second of which was at 9cm so I experienced the last of my labor (as well as a little before that from the first time) and all of my pushing for an hour and a half with no pain killers. I experienced labor and pushing, like I said, but then went into surgery for a Cesarian when Owen's heartrate rose and wouldn't fall (p.s. trying to stop pushing once you've started is basically the worst thing anyone could ever tell you). Since he's been born, I have experienced most of the good and bad things that parents talk about with babies and into toddlerhood. Owen had trouble breastfeeding, he's covered himself and his crib in poop multiple times, he's had delays and issues, he has given us his first E.R. worthy scare, and he's finally discovering Santa and other awesome traditions that we all look forward to with little ones.

Owen on his 1st birthday

When he turned two last year, Owen still barely spoke - his vocabulary consisted of about 10 words, and only about 3 or 4 that were used consistently. This past year he has worked in Speech and Occupational therapy and done so incredibly well it's like he's a new kid. His vocabulary is now over 200 words, a ton of which has been gained in the last three months. He socializes with other kids for the first time in his life, instigates offering hugs, talks with kids, readily makes eye contact, and only has melt downs every once in a while compared to 5-7 times a day. The amount of progress he's made this year makes me tear up a little each time I watch him doing something that only a few months ago had still never happened. At his birthday party Saturday he played with other kids for hours, said bye bye to those leaving, and hugged his cousins when they left the party. It was the best thing I'd ever seen him do. On Monday, while stealing my watermelon for lunch, he took bites and repeatedly looked and me smiling and said, "Delicious! Mmm yum!" - He's now said, "Love you, Mama" and is starting to learn to construct sentences, and it's simply the most amazing part of my life right now.

For the last month or so, Owen has been really into superheroes and in particular he's been obsessed with Batman since he discovered the cartoons on his Kindle. He has been wearing Batman clothes for over a week now, and runs around saying "Batman!" or "Super! Cape!" all the time. Since he's been so into it we realized a couple weeks ago there was no better theme for his birthday! I made capes for him and all the kids to wear and got to work planning a Batman/Superhero party for him. I really love that he's into superheroes honestly, because I'm a nerd and I can get into it with him. I once read that Batman is one of the best superheroes (this could be debated until the end of time so let's not *really* get into it) because he is one of the most brilliant minds in the DC Universe and he's a tactical genius who uses all of the benefits of technology possible and has worked to master all of the martial arts. He has no superpower that puts him on par with the villains he fights - he's simply that good from hard work and natural talent. He fights his own inner battle between ethics and emotion just like everyone else. He is the superhero that is like everyone. He shows us what it is to pursue something with one-minded dedication, and how that can turn into it's own flaw if you don't keep it in check. He's both a role model and a cautionary tale for how careful we must be to avoid being consumed with our own pain and anger. He's a great superhero to start a comic book love with.

I'm excited to see Owen grow another year older. To watch him bond with his little brother more, go with us on new adventures to new places, to learn new words and new things, and to surprise me in ways that I couldn't even imagine today. A year from now I'll be amazed all over again at how much he's changed and what a great kid he is. A year from now he'll be bigger, stronger, and better - obsessed with different things and with new favorites and silly preferences. But for now, he's still my Batman-loving, PB&J eating, train-set watching, trampoline bouncing little three year old Monkey. Happy Birthday, buddy!

"I finally got an answer.."

Originally posted on my personal blog: Rockets, Swords, & Shields on February 17, 2011

"All those years that I prayed - that I begged on my hands and knees - for God to make me more, give me more, make me better, make me stronger, make me saner, - make all my dreams come true - I finally got an answer. You. Right there in one person, all I'd ever wanted to be or do." 

- Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood

In five days, Owen will be a month old. I am completely incapable of comprehending how that happened. I still feel like we were just at the hospital going through labor. Over the less couple days I've been becoming acquainted with the reality of being a mom by myself - you see, my mom left on Sunday and Corey promptly got sick Tuesday afternoon so this week has been very much just me and Owen. We have camped out in the living room, giving Corey the master bedroom and some space so he doesn't hear Owen cry in the night, and the most "fun" part has been that Owen started going through what I'm deciding must be a growth spurt yesterday afternoon so he has been eating every 1 1/2- 2 hours (mind you, he eats for 30 minutes at a time) so that isn't leaving much time for any kind of normal sleep pattern, or eating, or anything really. Thus the reason that it's 2:30 in the morning and I'm writing a blog...

I decided to write this blog however, with the idea in mind that since Owen is turning a month old in a few days, it would be cool to write either a blog centered around him or a blog kind of letter addressed to him. I think it's turning into both in a way, because the letter part is still forthcoming. So enjoy, or don't if you so choose. 

To my beautiful little man, my Buddy, my monkey,

There are some things that I never liked about being pregnant with you. It was an exhausting process, that for a majority of the time was painful or in the very least uncomfortable. Labor was every ounce of the most pain I've ever experienced in my life (yes, my child, I had an epidural - but that was only effective for certain portions of the labor - and by no means did it save me from the most painful part towards the end), however, at the end of that particular day twenty-six days ago - I got you. As you can tell, that has not washed away my memories of how things really happened, as so many would like to pretend it does, but I will say that regardless of how miserable it was - you are worth it. 

Over the last few weeks, I have been your source of sustenance, comfort, and security. None of that will change any time soon, but I do want to tell you that even at those moments when you frustrate me most - whether it be your obstinate way of refusing to eat even though I know you're hungry, or you're cries and temper tantrums simply because you're bored and want more attention - even though you utterly exhaust me at those moments, I can't even find myself capable of getting upset for more than a few seconds because I look at you and find myself overtaken by feelings of happiness just at how beautiful you are. It amazes me how mellow of a child you have been since birth, after such a complicated pregnancy, and I am endlessly thankful for how perfect you are despite how many things could have gone wrong throughout my pregnancy and specifically the end of my labor which led to your birth by c-section. Despite all of those possibilities though, God still was kind enough to give me a son with no health problems, who has the most beautiful face that can literally calm me down no matter what I'm feeling simply because I am so grateful. 

I know that this is only the beginning, and that your abilities to exhaust, infuriate, and utterly wear me down will only increase over time - but I also know just as surely, that my feelings of gratefulness will always accompany my consciousness whenever I think about or look at you. I will never forget how incredibly thankful I was when you were born and your Dad said that everything was okay. I will also always remember how saddened I was for the couple down the hall from us in the hallway on the postpartum floor who had to give birth to their child at 25 weeks due to complications and early labor - and how much more appreciative I was to God again for giving you to me in such perfect health and beauty once I was reminded how easily things can go awry. 

Owen, my baby, my son, - I write all of these things so that you know that despite all of the hardships that may befall us throughout life and parenthood, you have always been - and will always be - worth it. I love you..